A MUST-READ
How the Personality Traits of Your Partner Affect the Success of Your Relationship and Career— Study
My take as a married man tapped on a relationship of trying to make it better along with my personal say on some thwarted relationships I have witnessed
With the advent of modern technology and the rise of bombarding information, people become vainer while at the same time they are increasingly becoming more insecure. These insecurities are a massive contributor to the many reasons personal human relationships are failing.
A recent study conducted by The University of Washington in St. Louis, Joshua Jackson PhD, assistant professor of psychology in Arts and Studies and lead author revealed that ‘it is not only your own personality that influences the experiences that lead to greater occupational success, but that your spouse’s personality matters too.’
This study further stated that the personality traits of the spouse we choose may play a role in determining whether our chosen career will lead us to riches or misery.
What does it really mean?
I’m not a relationship expert of any kind, but I am 30 years old and already married. Basically, I have had enough of the real-life experiences that make me a credible source and able to write this story.
The study that I just mentioned really resonates with me because I have witnessed failed relationships right before my eyes — people closely related to me and to my loved ones. And I understand very well how personality really affects the relationship of husbands and wives or as partners.
My cousin, who has been married for five years split up with his wife because, according to him “I find her really, really hurting. She keeps on accusing me of things I didn’t do.”
Then one day, his wife accidentally posted a bouquet of flowers on her Facebook ‘My Day’ in a bedroom not with my cousin. Boom! I witnessed their relationship hit rock-bottom. It distresses me because they have a beautiful daughter.
When I was abroad, I met an Egyptian friend. He’s an engineer and was working with the largest construction and real estate firm in the country. He was inarguably a responsible man though a bit introverted. He used to share his personal stories with me — mostly about his marriage and his wife.
I recall one time when we were eating lunch together with a few other colleagues and his wife called him on the phone. He excused himself and came back a little later blurting, “I hate this. I don’t like it anymore!” We were all confounded and speechless given that we never have seen him like that before. But we knew he was going through something even though he wasn’t telling us, but it was glaringly obvious from the look in his eyes.
He had an enigmatic relationship. I never saw him talking on the phone with his wife and had a smile on his face. They always argue about things, which according to him, he had no idea about. It could have been owing to the fact that they were in a long-distance relationship (LDR)? Or just because of personal differences? Or what?
One day, he messaged me. “Qassim, I want to see you. Really important!” His request baffled me.
We met at our favorite café, his eyes were filled with sadness. He seemed so distressed and with a crestfallen look, he hugged me and said, “I’m going home!” Without any words, I understood him.
He resigned, gave up his good position because he loved his wife, and went home, and guess what? Just a few weeks ago, he sent me a photo of a wedding ring. And then recently, he video-called me live at his wedding.
Wait, what? Yeah…
He ended up marrying again another woman. He wasn’t able to save his marriage with his wife. He was devastated because he left his great job. And when he did that, he thought it would save the marriage. But it did not. His wife, according to him, had not changed. He thought LDR was the reason. But no; his wife was still the same so he ended up finding someone that gave him peace.
Women are unreasonably overthinkers
Don’t get me wrong. Please. I want to make this clear. I know the world is so unfair that it judges women as being overthinkers when compared to men. This is always a long-standing stereotype, I know. But science provides a logical reason for this. It has been determined that women are more likely to overthink compared to men because, and I quote the research:
“…the brains of women are significantly more active than men’s. Particularly in the cerebral cortex, which is primarily involved in impulse control and focus, and in the emotional areas of the brain, involved in mood and anxiety.”
This is worth noting to understand the issue. As Daniel Amen, a psychiatrist and founder of Amen Clinics in California, said: “This [study] is very important to help understand gender-based brain differences.”
While this scientific claim is quite notable, we can’t blame people (well, especially men) for being overhyped and overthinking issues of women, because, really women are so complicated.
The rise of laconic men and their silent treatment
Because women are quite verbose in nature, men tend to be the opposite and it’s notably proven by science in a lot of many different behavioral studies.
Science noted that the male brain developed accordingly with little need or capacity for talking. Socio-physiologically, men’s silent treatment towards their other half is a protective mechanism stemming from fear of being hurt. And I can attest to that.
Whenever my wife blurts away, I simply sway to the corner rather than talking because I know the argument would not go anywhere. This is what many women don’t understand about men. Because when their man avoids the discussion, they feel they are not loved, and that their husband has someone else; that they are ignored; that they are not listened to; that they are not cared for; and that they are tired of literally everything in this world.
Love! Wake-up. I may sound illogical here, I don’t really care.
Men only stop talking to their wives because men don’t really talk about their feelings. Sometimes, it’s really hard to find that emotional language when their counterparts are emotionally overpowering in a way that appears to be so unreasonable.
I, personally get mad at my feelings. I am averse to talking about my stresses, my failures, my anxieties. I don’t really feel comfortable sharing thoughts about myself and the personal struggles I have within. No. Maybe not all men.
In most arguments, it’s an unwinnable competition. It’s useless arguing when you know your counterpart is, pardon my word, overdramatizing. This is applicable to all somehow, because, undeniably, I know that there are also a lot of men who have a sharper tongue than a woman.
A mystifying conflict — the denouement
Due to the overwhelming power of misconstruing beliefs towards each other, many relationships never flourish. Silent treatments become bottled-up emotions. Love turns to hate. Support ripens into a whammy. Just like my old-good friend, their marriage ended with bitter goodbyes.
I have more to say about this topic, but I guess it’s already too long. So, I hold it in my heart for the moment and maybe continue writing it on another story.
Some interesting stories you must read:
I hope you, guys, find this story helpful and please share your inputs in the comments. Clap if you want to me to write more stories like this. Thank you so much for reading.
This is Syed Qassim Acabo, and you’re reading at /the just reflections — the newest thriving publication on Medium.
